Insane in the Membrane: Finding Out I’m Not Actually An Introvert
Yes, we’re about to have a good old heart to heart.
I have a confession. I'm a sucker for deep conversations. A sucker for deep connections between humans. But then again who isn't? As humans, we're programmed to function that way. There's something about connecting with someone on a deeper level that gives me an invigorating energy. I don't know how to explain it. Now you're probably thinking, this girl is weird. Let me explain if you don't know me on a personal level, I've always thought of myself as an introvert. Basically, this means I enjoy my alone time. Actually, I need it to function properly; a day or two to recharge but then I start to get anxious if I don't see other people. It's like I have a metaphorical social tank that needs to be fueled back up every so often.
Naturally, I did more research on the topic and that's when I got thoroughly confused. I had always placed myself in the introvert category until I took an "Are You an Introvert or Extrovert?” test and found out I'm considered an AMBIVERT. Yeah, that's exactly what I thought too, what the heck is that?
"You fall smack in the middle of the introvert-extrovert spectrum. In many ways, ambiverts have the best of both world, able to tap into the strengths of both introverts and extroverts as needed."
*Cue identity crisis* Only kidding. It did make me realize why the transition after college was so difficult for me. I was used to being constantly surrounded by friends — especially when I lived in a house with four other girls. You're able to bounce ideas off one another, talk about what's bothering you, basically 24/7 emotional support.
Once I moved back home I felt anxious all the time. I didn't feel as connected to my friends and that drove me insane. I would call them just to talk even if I didn't have anything important to tell them. It was mainly to feel like I was still a part of their lives. Okay, yes maybe you're allowed to call me crazy.
I swear there's a point to this story.
After the realization that I’m a little mix of both something clicked in my head. I realize now how much this desire for constant connection was blocking my personal growth. Being surrounded by peers all the time, I wasn't thinking completely on my own. It was hard not to let my friends' opinions affect my decisions. I valued, and still value, their opinion immensely but it wasn't until a few months ago did I realize that it might have blurred my own judgment.
Now that I've had time to grow as a person, I still like to spend time with people but I've had to come to terms with the fact that sometimes it’s okay to say no; to recharge and keep life in balance. I’ve always struggled with saying no but I now realize how important it is to focus on yourself. Life is always going to be a work in progress, so having a better understanding of your personality — like finding out you're an ambivert is a major step in the right direction for personal growth.
So if you connected on some level (thank goodness), tell me your thoughts! I’m curious to know, are you an introvert, extrovert, OR smack dab in the middle like me?